Only you can stop Jimmy Fallon

Turns out, The Tonight Show is a horrible place to work and Jimmy Fallon is basically one of those boy kings who probably shouldn’t be in charge but none of his grand viziers can tell him no.

If you’ve been following the work of the comedy journalist Seth Simons, who writes the only good newsletter,1 none of this should come as a surprise. He’s been covering the Fallon beat for a while, including, most importantly, how Fallon still hasn’t addressed the now-settled lawsuit one of his close buddies was in very hot water over.

Put as concisely as I can, according to the suit, from 1999 to 2002, an unnamed plaintiff ran fan sites dedicated to the SNL cast at the time, especially Fallon. She eventually met Horatio Sanz after an SNL taping, where he "was flirtatious and physically affectionate with the then 15-year old Plaintiff by kissing her cheek and putting his hands on her waist,” according to the suit. Their interactions devolved from there; by the time she was 16, she was regularly attending the infamous SNL afterparties, where Sanz continued this creepy behavior in front of his co-stars and bosses, he allegedly solicited inappropriate pictures from her, discussed inappropriate topics, and told her not to tell anyone these conversations were happening. In 2001, she was drinking beers next to Fallon at these parties, who asked her what she planned to study in college, and then “the people seated at the table became very quiet when Plaintiff disclosed she was a junior in high school.” But this apparently didn’t motivate anyone to intervene in any way, and at another party, the suit alleges that Sanz digitally penetrated her in front of other NBC staff members. The next week, Fallon and Sanz were letting her into yet another afterparty.

All that said, to just implicate these two chucklefucks lets an entire system off the hook. To quote Simons, “Her allegations give the distinct impression that SNL cast members deliberately sought out young female fans and brought them to parties where booze flowed freely and nobody checked IDs.” Lorne Michaels, the kingmaker of NBC comedy, was allegedly at these parties and was privy to all of this; Jane Doe filed to add him (and Fallon, and Tracy Morgan) as defendants before it was settled. Michaels, of course, is also the executive producer of The Tonight Show and has been since Fallon succeeded Jay Leno as the host.

But with all that in mind, truly nothing in the exposé should come as a surprise. Anyone could have guessed that SNL’s golden child who was (allegedly) letting teenagers into afterparties would be terrorizing his staff, throwing “hissy fits,” and berating cue-card holders in the middle of tapings. Powerful men, especially in the entertainment world, don’t change their behavior because of some kind of come-to-Jesus moment; they change their behavior because they’re forced to.

Fallon was never forced to change. The suit was settled back in November of last year, so I’d say it’s likely that we’ll never hear Fallon (or Michaels) even mention, much less admit personal failing in, the events that ruined this person’s life. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter that Jimmy isn’t just a bad comedian, he’s a bad dude at a company that actively ensures he avoids consequences. It doesn’t matter that no one at the company even likes the guy apart from his ability to make them money.2 It will only matter to these people when that spigot finally runs dry through repeated scandals or self-implosion or just good old-fashioned time.

I know I like to end these “Only you” emergency dispatches with a call to action, usually some kind of boycott. And I know it’s naïve to even think that call to action in a tiny, tiny newsletter that I purposefully limit the audience for will even make a dent. So, with that in mind, I’m going to try thinking about it a little differently: I hereby release you from having to watch that Tonight Show clip your grandma or aunt’s second cousin’s husband sends you. You no longer need to feel like you have to listen to Fallon slow jam the news because it’s trending on Twitter. In fact, it’s better for everyone if you don’t. Be free.

UPDATE: literally as I was putting the finishing touches on this, Simons wrote about it for Humorism. Thank god he’s back.