Can something good PLEASE happen on TV, for the love of god

Spoiler alert for the most recent season of Ted Lasso, just fyi.

Man, fuck this.

I’ve finally gotten over a miserable cold, pollen season is showing no mercy, and worst of all, everything I’m watching on television seems to have gone to hell.

The impetus for this realization was Succession’s sphincter-tightening election episode, which nearly made me quit the show with only two episodes left. But beyond that particularly bleak hour of my life, all of television seems to be going through it right now. I don’t even watch Barry or Yellowjackets, but I can’t help but feel the sympathetic waves of doom from my friend tweeting about how it is on sight for Bill Hader or the girls eating each other in the wilderness. The noxious vibes on television seem to have breached containment too—you’ve got people torturing raccoons in the movies and going full Pontius Pilate on wood sprites in the video games. The last time I felt genuine joy on TV was when Logan Roy finally died.1 

One would think Ted Lasso, the show that’s so positive and happy it hurts, would be a balm in this situation. But even though supposedly “good” things happen every week, the only explanation for how incomprehensible the show has become is that their writers went on strike early. Good for Rebecca for saving all of football from Sam Richardson, but I never even knew the stakes were that high until after the conflict was resolved. I’m glad Nate finally ditched West Ham and Rupert, but I’m not at all happy that it just happened… offscreen? I guess? Seriously, what is going on with him in this season? Poor Keeley being saddled with nothing to do but have a tough love life is truly tough to watch, and her apparently ending back up with Roy is almost depressing even though I really liked them together in season 2.2 All of that said, I will give Ted Lasso this: they constantly find new ways to curl the monkey’s paw.

I can only hope that a win is coming down the pike in some form for all the anguish I’ve endured recently. I will take anything. I’ll take Logan somehow dying again. I’ll take my friend signing a peace treaty with Bill Hader. Honestly, I’ll even take an ironclad confirmation that no, for real, this is actually the last season of Ted Lasso.

But there is some hope. Drag Race: All Stars just started airing, and I had no idea how much I needed Kandy “The Producer” Muse back on my television screen until now.3 I know it’s a lot to ask of one humble global juggernaut of a franchise, but literally all of my happiness is riding on this. So RuPaul, if you’re listening: don’t fuck it up.