A momentous discovery for all the saps out there

I wrote this the weekend after Valentine’s Day and then scrapped it because I didn’t think it was interesting enough. But, in honor of my terrible day today, I’ve finally decided to just publish it—mostly so I have an excuse to go through all the stories. Enjoy the mush with me on this fine Friday evening.

I am a HUGE Modern Love junkie. I tune in every few Sundays to see what I’ve missed—I love the tiny love stories, I love the heartbreak and soul-searching of the longer essays, and above all, I just love a story well told.

There’s one thing I don’t love though, and that’s the New York Times’ terrible web functionality. For some goddamn reason, you can’t scroll endlessly through the trials and tribulations of love and longing. A few at a time only. Maybe this is for our own good, but you’d think they’d want to enable the people to spend whole Saturdays paging through the archives! (Me. I’m the people.) Alas, the Times are an uncaring god.

But what’s a god to a smart person with internet and web development skills? And that’s where the absolute hero Ben Koski comes in. This legend made an entire, easy-to-browse, easily accessible library of every Modern Love essay organized by year. It’s completely eaten my day and I’m shocked, offended, revolted, disgusted that I haven’t stumbled across it earlier.

Below I’ve linked to some of my favorites that I found or rediscovered through the archive, in no particular order. I highly encourage you to look through the archive yourself—I’m still making my way through it. But parse carefully. You might start to yearn, and I can’t be held responsible for that.

“When Eve and Eve Bit the Apple” — A devoutly religious woman falls in love with another woman, but she’s going to have to square that love with her loyalty to the church. No one can look at me for at least a few minutes every time I come back to the euphoric gut-punch of this one’s ending.

“Your Dog Has Seen Me Naked” — Once the above has convinced you that love is real, let this guy convince you that dogs in the city just aren’t worth it. A lot of these have made me tear up, but this is the only one that has legitimately made my jaw drop in horror.

“The Bear Chased Us. Then We Chased the Bear.” — THEY CHASED A GODDAMN BLACK BEAR!

“An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill” — Anxious people unite. This is going to sound like a backhanded compliment and I promise it isn’t; I think this story is a really good example of one of my favorite maxims, which is that you don’t have to say something completely new every time. It just has to be honest. Coco Mellors is a very honest writer.

“How a Missing Sock Changed My Life” — Reads like a rom-com, but the Modern Love column insists that every submission be 100% true, including names. Who knows if everything really is true to the T, but I do keep that rule in the back of my mind every time I read one of these impossibly meant-to-be stories. Fiction writers have to get their inspiration somewhere, right?

“During a Night of Casual Sex, Urgent Messages Go Unanswered” and “The Tallest Man I Ever Loved” — Turns out, Andrew Rannells is really good at this.

“I Tried to Filter Him Out” — I really debated whether to include this one. It’s not that it’s not good—it’s stunning. But I just don’t know how to describe it without souring the experience of reading it. I think you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.

“My Ridiculous Dating System Totally Works!” — Another “this can’t possibly be real” story, but with the added “and he published it in the TIMES?!” Oh, but he did. Trello (a word that will always induce my fight-or-flight reflex—my former boss loved it) somehow has a starring role, which is something no other Modern Love has to offer, and thus merits it a spot in this list.

“The Physics of Forbidden Love” — My all-time favorite gets the last spot on this list. This is one I can never finish without feeling like I’m going to cry, and then listening to it read aloud on the Modern Love podcast hits me even harder. If you read nothing else I’ve recommended, read this one.